forbidden to even tell

had been thinking quite a while, whether should i take it back? whether am i going too far? whether... am i doing it the right way? even though seldom or didn't talk, see, laugh together, annoy, walk, shop, chat, joke, messaging, call, eat and other things. i only seem like i don't care anymore, but actually i do. use to easily talk to you anything, comfortably, without going through "whether should i tell you this?". but ever since weakness of our friendship is discovered, "whether should i tell you this?" just keep appearing. as time goes by, it appears more and more often. until i realize things started to change, i discovered "lies". i begin to lost trust in you and i get frustrated from time to time. things started to turn into a mess, im in a mess. then it comes to a stage where there isn't "whether should i tell you this" but "forbidden". think of it, we use to tell each other problems, right or wrong easily. but for me now its forbidden to even mention. thats why i choose to use action instead of words, but it seems not working. a lot of things had fall apart and turn into a mess. even though everything seems to change, literally everything but i still find that theres no friend like you that i can so easily talk to, without fear. really miss those days, when one of us have bad days and the other will try to comfort. still remember you had your worst days, i stay up just to accompany you to talk stuff to make you forget your bad moments. still remember theres once i gone mad, and off my phone, then when i on back, 9 missed calls from you. probably can't bring back those days, but maybe, just maybe we can start to improve our moments now like we use to be, with the changes? it won't be easy, but will try, before we go on our separate ways. 2009-2011